Early this year (2014), I found myself frustrated with my own lack of commitment to my writing; how it has slowly deteriorated and I’ve allowed everything else to take priority in my life, except the one thing that feel true to my core, to my calling. I had made many commitments about writing everyday, reading more often, studying my craft, attending workshops and so on, but I had failed in every single respect and it was constantly paining me. A writer who doesn’t write has a strong sense of guilt and shame… which often pulls us even further from the cure to our ailments (just writing!). It was during a conversation with my husband, about these frustrations, that he came up with the idea to write about something that was a constant in my life… motherhood. I would write everyday for a year, something, anything, about motherhood. Using this very focused subject matter, he hoped, would make it easier for me to commit to it, and dealing with a virtually unavoidable subject matter: motherhood, I should have endless material. It sounded like a great idea, as Id recently found myself struggling with new thoughts and feelings about my position as a mother, a step-mother, a daughter and even a granddaughter. I even felt conflicted about my position, through my company, Creative Motivations, as an authority on parenting and mothering. So what better way to flesh it all out? Where else could I find greater introspection and understanding than through my own writing?
So I have begun to write. It is not so great at first, Ill admit, not having written consistently in years makes my writing feel stiff and contrived at times, but it’s slowly coming around. I don’t truly expect to write every single day, not at first, at least, but within a couple of months, I hope, sincerely pray, that I begin to make a habit out of it and daily writing, as should be the case with anyone who calls themselves a writer, occurs with ease. I have posted some of my old writing about motherhood to start, and I continue to write often and will post as well. Because this blog features all of my writing, not just this project, I expect I’ll post other, unrelated work, as well. The plan, for this project, is to refine at the end of the year and finally publish the collection. It would be wonderful, for me, to have art and photography in the book as well, but we must climb the tree before we can shoot for the stars… so one step at a time.
My writing may be less sentimental than one expects about such a subject. While I do experience the great joy and sweetness of motherhood, it is also often a very frustrating, disappointing and unpleasant venture, and I will share the brutal honesty, as best I can, in my writing. There is also the matter of being a step-mother, which, with all its silly ideals and literary traps (read: evil step mother), its a very real, very painful and complex position to be in, and I will not paint it soft and pretty when I know full well its a work in cubism, sharp and unforgiving, much, if not most, of the time.
In writing about motherhood, I must also write about my own mother, my relationship with her and the very sincere pain and struggle that comes with that. As you read you will learn just what I mean. And of course, my position as a ‘role model’ to other women, a guidance counselor of sorts, through my business. I will speak also of my sister, who is a mother in a very different way than I, and my childhood, which has shaped my approach to motherhood in general. Currently, in my quest to understand my role as a mother and step-mother, I read a lot of parenting books, and perhaps Ill share something on that as well. I hope that these works inspire, comfort, and excite you. I hope you find some peace in the beauty and some comfort in the very familiar pain. Please feel free to comment, ask questions and make suggestions, I welcome and appreciate your feedback. You can participate in the project, share in the challenge by doing your own daily/weekly reflections and sharing them on the forum below. I pray this is a beneficial journey for all of us.
Thank you, as always, for listening.
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