Chorus of Blue

Free Write: Nothing of Consequence

Posted by in Motherhood Project, Poetry, Ten Minutes, Writing

The sun rises and the cat whines outside
I know his routine, but I choose to write.

There is a very long list of to-dos:
empty accounts, unpaid bills,
the responsibilities of parenthood
looming in soft little breaths
all around me.

Our home creaks for attention,
the subtle jingle of a ceiling fan
I need to fix,
pictures to hang,
that broken drawer…
most the food in boxes because I have yet
to line the cabinets,
sew bench cushions,
polish the floors.

And I know that he wants me,
The one slumbering
in the quiet of our room,
before blood flows like a barrier between us
And his desires are stalemated,
or frustrated
or lost.

But I decide to settle down to write.

Nothing of matter
Nothing of great consequence,
But the practice I will need to make it
matter someday.

The daily watering and reminder:

In your heart,
in your hands
                          is the seed of a writer,

(dishes, laundry, dinner, sex,
carpets, curtains, wall hooks,
plants, orders to fulfill, interest
to avoid, angry emails, lists, lists)

                                            help it grow.

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Free Write: The Rain Goes

Posted by in Poetry, Ten Minutes, Writing

The rain goes
I cant   don’t pause

boxes of books to unload
old journals that weep

hopelessness
bad marriages
children we love
but didn’t want

It feels like I’m reading
someone else’s words
this poor girl,
she’ll never get out

how little she knows of
life and faith
her flickers of hope
are only flickers

its a wonder I’m still alive.

here is a new life and
I’m unpacking the past
page by page
the ink bleeding through
the other side
i would burn it up
but I refuse to forget

these men take so much from us
but return so little
hurt, misery, betrayal, and loss
its been six years with another
God knows, that girl would know
he’s better, but even he
has trampled my heart.

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Poem: Phantom Limb

Posted by in Poetry, Poetry, Ten Minutes, Writing

Betrayal leaves the deepest scar
One we cannot see
Only feel     like a phantom limb
Hanging there invisibly

We stumble over it
Bang it on tables and chairs
Feel the pain radiating up
Through bones and skin

We reach down and
grasp at nothing
but air

All the grand reassurances and promises
Like thin gauze on a festering wound
Healing nothing
Only sticking to the sore

There is no salve for a limb
You cannot see
No bandage
No way to bind the flesh

It is pain that manifests in the body
from the mind
An aching that permeates out
from the heart

And blood flow will keep the memory fresh
pulsing and reminding:

You were betrayed;

You will never    forget.

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Poem: Go Back

Posted by in Poetry, Ten Minutes, Writing

Go back and look at the small house
the small room
with the great window
Go back and smell the fire burning
hear the wood break
beneath the weight of flame

Go back and touch the round keys
make your fingers stretch into each impression
Go back to hear that mechanical click
The muted sound of your own voice

Go back to sift through piles of papers
to layers of carpets on the cold wood floor
Branches outside tapping the window
The wind wailing at the coming storm

Go back because you cannot belong here
Your heart will grow quiet
your hands will grow bored
Go back ’cause you can never love them
they way you love the written word.

This post is a part of the #tenminutes series, a challenge to write for ten minutes, every day, no matter what. To learn more visit: Ten Minute Challenge and join the movement!

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TEN MINUTES CHALLENGE DAILY PROMPT

“A Relationship with Your Writing” – Write about your relationship with your writing. You can make your writing some grand idea; personify it as a person or living thing, like writing about it as a child youve nurtured or abandoned;  write  “to” it as if writing a letter, write “as” it speaking to you… is your writing a stalker that wont leave you be? Are you it’s victim of unrequited love? Compare your relationship with your writing with your relationship with something else, like your spouse, child, job, or hobbies. You can do it in any style you like! These are just a few fun ideas.

Please do share. I love to see your work. Ready? Set. Write forth! #tenminutes

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Christmas Nostalgia & Other Convert Conundrums

Posted by in Articles & Rants, Motherhood Project, Ten Minutes, Writing

I was blessed to discover and accept Islam when I was 19 years old. Up until that point, I had been a child, lazily exploring different faiths, but for the most part raised Christian. I dabbled in Buddhism, Wicca, Agnosticism, Atheism… I was trying to find my truth… but a sort of backdrop of my somewhat Christian upbringing was always there. (Side note: Never in my life do I recall my mother taking us to church, it was only when we lived with our grandmother, or later when I got…read more

Sacrificing the Black Sheep & Other Motherly Failures

Posted by in Articles & Rants, Motherhood Project, Writing

One of the hardest things to balance in a blended family is the treatment of your birth children versus your step children. While favoritism of birth children is a natural, if not inevitable, occurrence, it is often something we seek to deny in shame, hide in fear or eliminate completely. You often hear stepmothers saying they, “love them all the same.” But this isn’t true. Not in the least. We may “treat” them all the same, but there is something very unique and invisible, something inherent in the love that…read more

Stepmommy or Stepmonster: Part II – Broccoli & Other Evils

Posted by in Articles & Rants, Motherhood Project, Writing

If you troll the web, the various facebook groups and internet chat rooms for stepmothers you’ll find a wide range of brutal honesty, unbelievable ridicule, and a whole lot of self-righteous fluff and lies. There is a major taboo in this stepmothering business of ours. From the century-old evil stepmother persona we are labeled with to the incredulous and rather universal expectation that we must and will love and adore our darling stepchildren, may never ever speak an ill word of them, and we must be self sacrificial martyrs to…read more

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Journal: The View From Where I Sit

Posted by in Articles & Rants, Motherhood Project, Ten Minutes, Writing

I was spurred to go on a bike ride this afternoon. It’s the first I’ve taken to really go out and explore on my own since I got this bike a couple weeks ago. I traveled along the partially paved bike path until I ran out of paving. Traveled along wistfully, surrounded by half-woods, searching for something. Some special place to call my own. Some little cove to steal away to in the early morning hours and write. I was searching for an escape from my life. I imagine that’s…read more

Fireside Chat: Inspiring Spaces

Posted by in Articles & Rants, Fireside Chat Series, Writing

I often fantasize about getting away from the city. It’s a longing for quiet inspiration, reconnecting with nature, and a place to reflect that has made me seriously consider moving my family out onto a farm. Granted, we don’t know anything of animal husbandry (that’s a word, right?), and our farming/gardening experience is minimal to say the least… but I love home repairs, refurbishing things, and above all… I love the quiet. And not that artificial soundproofed quiet, but the noisy quiet of nature. With cicadas chirping, birds squawking, the…read more

Journal: New Bike, New Experiences

Posted by in Articles & Rants, Ten Minutes, Writing

I recently got a bike. Its exciting, really. Its been a while since I’ve ridden a bike and, being that I don’t drive these days, a bike offers a whole new level of freedom and independence for me. I’m riding more and more frequently, as my behind gets used to the excruciating pain of riding for the first time in years (yes, I’m ordering a new seat), and hope to eventually explore new areas of Wichita, find new inspiration, and maybe even join some writers circles and workshops! Being homebound…read more

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