Freewrite: Rumination
Because it’s the best I can do
Not to be less than this
When all the goodness
That the universe has to offer
Is right here, in reception
And I am full of gratitude
and worry, overwhelm
and self-loathing
There are ways to be more, I think
I have engaged in all of them
I have achieved such normalcy
That I hardly recognized myself
And then bound so far beyond it
That I got dual sessions
Free of charge, new prescriptions
I would never fill
Because you see
what you need to see in me
And I oblige, always
With quiet pains and doubts that ache
And no place for them
in the lime light.
I don’t mean to wraps words
around words
around words
I don’t mean
for this God-forsaken spiral
to devalue you
I have engaged in all of them
I have achieved such normalcy
That I hardly recognized myself
And then bound so far beyond it
That I got dual sessions
Free of charge, new prescriptions
I would never fill
Because you see
what you need to see in me
And I oblige, always
With quiet pains and doubts that ache
And no place for them
in the lime light.
I don’t mean to wraps words
around words
around words
I don’t mean
for this God-forsaken spiral
to devalue you
You and the universe mean so much
Gratitude is an understatement.
I do wish, though
to be clear
Understood, even.
It’s only that
I don’t know.
I don’t know how to say
Thank you for seeing good -or
Thank you for kind words and encouragement
Forgive me for not knowing how
to make them matter more
Forgive me for not knowing why
they lack resonance.