FREEWRITE: Dream, Home

Posted by in Writing

The children away at camp
Except the little one
And the half child, hanger-on

I think how good it would be
to be without them
And how lonely in the big bed
Save the cat, lip swollen
Staring in contempt

I sleep with wild dreams
All the anxieties coming to play
In the new half-quiet
My daughter’s warm long body
Taking up space.

The strange desperation:
getting to school on time
and painful adventures in uncomfortable classrooms
trying to find a way out and a way in at the same time.

The always present impossibility
of geolocation for our physical bodies
hours lost in the aisles of my uneasy mind.

We take rides and find stacks of new money beneath an old bridge
giant geodes of stark violet, teal, dusty gold
and threatening children in dirty rags
unsure of what they know.

I want to wake… carrying this stolen treasure. I want to wake and show the kids… look what I brought you! How beautiful.

But I cant.

And the little one and I
we journey on-

continue growing further and further from our home.

Someone says Santa Barbara, Texas!

so I fold and refold a nondescript map

While the little one clings to my hip and I cling to the hope that I can find our way

But my conscious mind knows theres no such place except in these dreamscapes
Near hopeless, my brain finally relents and releases us:
I wake, uneasily, to a half packed house
Those two sleeping beauties
And two far and unreachable
Then fading memories of lease amendments so real, I have to check.

So I catalog:

Money, without stacks
The missing children, enthralled by crystal caverns
New classrooms for awkward offspring
And the float in limbo…
No physical body
Longitude, latitude
Searching, searching
I see it now:

No place
to call home.