Freewrite: After, Day 1
I’m gonna listen to all the right songs
And watch all the wrong movies
And cry and despair
And scream and hate you and love you
And want you and need you
And feel the great wincing relief
that it’s over. You’ve made it so
And maybe you hoped I would fight
But it was already over. Your kisses
had become hard and stale
And your love, soft
And useless to me.
Once I convinced myself
Once I said, I rather be unhappy than be
But you wouldnt.
So God took everything
or let me lose everything
Because stubborn girls need the greatest blows
And here He left me
You left me
And you didnt give a damn what that might mean
You didnt have enough of the love you swore by
to even make sure I would get home in one piece
But I did.
And Im gonna be ok
because what else can I be?
I have to be better than you left me
And I will
God give me some time
I’m gonna get that perspective
I see that message in the distance
I can’t make out the words
I can’t read it
But Im gonna keep walking toward it
Til I can see it clear
Lord, Im gonna keep walking
And I do
I do want to curl up an’ cry
I do wanna say… my God, Im all alone
But Im not. I know Im not.
And the cliches say dont go looking for your joy
in some man
But years of movies and sappy songs have me searching for the one
And Im all broken and in pieces
But I keep looking. God Im so tired.
Let me walk.
Let me run.
I’m gonna get there.
And when I do
it wont be with you.
And thats ok.
That’s just fine.