Freewrite: After, Day 1

Posted by in Writing

I’m gonna listen to all the right songs

And watch all the wrong movies

And cry and despair

And scream and hate you and love you

And want you and need you

And feel the great wincing relief

that it’s over. You’ve made it so

And maybe you hoped I would fight

But it was already over. Your kisses

had become hard and stale

And your love, soft

And useless to me.

Once I convinced myself

Once I said, I rather be unhappy than be

alone.

But you wouldnt.

So God took everything

or let me lose everything

Because stubborn girls need the greatest blows

And here He left me

You left me

And you didnt give a damn what that might mean

You didnt have enough of the love you swore by

to even make sure I would get home in one piece

But I did.

I did.

And Im gonna be ok

without you

without us

because what else can I be?

I have to be better than you left me

And I will

I will.

God give me some time

I’m gonna get that perspective

I see that message in the distance

I can’t make out the words

I can’t read it

But Im gonna keep walking toward it

Til I can see it clear

Lord, Im gonna keep walking

And I do

I do want to curl up an’ cry

I do wanna say… my God, Im all alone

But Im not. I know Im not.

And the cliches say dont go looking for your joy

in some man

But years of movies and sappy songs have me searching for the one

And Im all broken and in pieces

And burned.

But I keep looking. God Im so tired.

Let me walk.

Let me run.

I’m gonna get there.

I’m gonna

And when I do

it wont be with you.

And thats ok.

That’s just fine.